I thought yesterday sucked.

Low grade fever. Every bone in my body aches. Even my fingers and my scalp hurts. I’m still emotionally a wreck. When did I go from a fighter to barely a survivor. My head is just throbbing and I need to help, not be a burden. Maybe I’ll just do what the Dr.s and IDSA, and the CDC do and pretend that there’s no possibly way I could feel this bad “post lyme”. That’s it I’ll pretend. Wait, that’s what I’ve been doing and that hasn’t worked. Now what? Any suggestions?

Advertisements

Ready for a break!

Tags

, ,

I pray.  I try positive energy.  I try not to cry.  I beg for assistance from my mds.  Is there anything I am missing?  We need a break.  We’re broke, we’re exhausted.  Bankruptcy was supposed to bring some sense of closure and peace, yet the paperwork is daunting and I can’t do it.  Four full years of neurolyme is  leaving me full of stress, out of money, wondering if I can ever do my executive job again, and hoping I can even step back into my old personality which used to give my pride.  I helped others.  I loved everyone.  Now the sacrifice to fight for myself and my family has left me bitter and angry.  How do I get out of this funk?  I used to wonder why people begged for disability, thinking it was a way out.  Now I realize it is the only way to survive.  I can’t even get that paperwork completed.  My beautiful angel who i call my saint (Mom) is struggling with a recurrence of her cancer.  I can’t even help her.  I feel hopeless and worthless.  I realize this is not the most positive post, but it’s my day today.  I have spent too much time pretending.  I now have to be real whether it is pretty or ugly.  Lyme sucks!  I can’t say anything more today that is encouraging.  As I follow my journey, past and future, my hope is to give someone help or hope.  For today, this is all I’ve got.  God Bless you all.