Low grade fever. Every bone in my body aches. Even my fingers and my scalp hurts. I’m still emotionally a wreck. When did I go from a fighter to barely a survivor. My head is just throbbing and I need to help, not be a burden. Maybe I’ll just do what the Dr.s and IDSA, and the CDC do and pretend that there’s no possibly way I could feel this bad “post lyme”. That’s it I’ll pretend. Wait, that’s what I’ve been doing and that hasn’t worked. Now what? Any suggestions?
I pray. I try positive energy. I try not to cry. I beg for assistance from my mds. Is there anything I am missing? We need a break. We’re broke, we’re exhausted. Bankruptcy was supposed to bring some sense of closure and peace, yet the paperwork is daunting and I can’t do it. Four full years of neurolyme is leaving me full of stress, out of money, wondering if I can ever do my executive job again, and hoping I can even step back into my old personality which used to give my pride. I helped others. I loved everyone. Now the sacrifice to fight for myself and my family has left me bitter and angry. How do I get out of this funk? I used to wonder why people begged for disability, thinking it was a way out. Now I realize it is the only way to survive. I can’t even get that paperwork completed. My beautiful angel who i call my saint (Mom) is struggling with a recurrence of her cancer. I can’t even help her. I feel hopeless and worthless. I realize this is not the most positive post, but it’s my day today. I have spent too much time pretending. I now have to be real whether it is pretty or ugly. Lyme sucks! I can’t say anything more today that is encouraging. As I follow my journey, past and future, my hope is to give someone help or hope. For today, this is all I’ve got. God Bless you all.